Build Your Self Esteem: A Starter Guide To Self Improvement

How do you stay calm, composed and maintain self esteem during a difficult situation? Here are some tips for you to consider as a starter guide to self improvement.

Imagine yourself as a Dart Board.



Everything and everyone else around you may become Dart Pins, at one point or another. These dart pins will destroy your self esteem and pull you down in ways you won’t even remember. Don’t let them destroy you, or get the best of you.  So which dart pins should you avoid?

Dart Pin #1 : Negative Work Environment

Beware of “dog eat dog” theory where everyone else is fighting just to get ahead. This is where non-appreciative people usually thrive. No one will appreciate your contributions even if you miss lunch and stay late. Most of the time you get to work too much without getting help from people concerned.  Stay out of this, it will ruin your self esteem. Competition is at stake anywhere. Be healthy enough to compete, but in a healthy competition that is.

Dart Pin #2: Other People’s Behavior

Bulldozers, brown nosers, gossipmongers, whiners, backstabbers, snipers, controllers, naggers, complainers, exploders, patronizers… all these kinds of people will pose bad vibes for your self esteem, as well as to your self improvement scheme.  Avoid at all costs.  I changed my lunch hour to avoid someone like this.  It meant I ate earlier than I wanted to, but it helped keep me positive and sane throughout the day.  Well worth it!

Dart Pin #3: Changing Environment

Change happens. Changes challenge our paradigms. It tests our flexibility, adaptability and alters the way we think. Changes will make life difficult for awhile, it may cause stress, but it will help us find ways to improve ourselves. Change will be there forever, we must learn to embrace it.

Dart Pin #4: Past Experience

It’s okay to cry and say “ouch!” when we experience pain. But don’t let pain transform itself into fear. It might grab you by the tail and swing you around. Treat each failure and mistake as a lesson. Write down what you've learned and move on.

Dart Pin #5: Negative World View

Look at what you’re looking at. Don’t wrap yourself up with all the negativities of the world. In building self esteem, we must learn how to make the best out of worst situations.  If the news depresses you, simply turn off the TV or don't pick up that newspaper.  It's not vital that you know what's going on everywhere in the world.

Dart Pin #6: Determination Theory

The way you are (and your behavioral traits) is said to be a mixed result of your inherited traits (genetics), your upbringing (psychic), and your environmental surroundings such as your spouse, the company, the economy or your circle of friends. You have your own identity. If your mother is a failure, it doesn’t mean you have to be a failure too. Learn from other people’s experience, so you’ll never have to encounter the same mistakes.

You may wonder if some people are born leaders or positive thinkers. NO. Being positive, and staying positive is a choice. Building self esteem and drawing lines for self improvement is a choice, not a rule or a talent. God wouldn’t come down from heaven and tell you – “Henry, you now have my permission to build self esteem and improve yourself.”  

In life, its hard to stay positive especially when things and people around you keep pulling you down. When we get to the battlefield, we should choose the right weapons and armors to use, and pick those that are bullet proof. Life’s options give us arrays of options. Look for them.  Be open to the possibility that they exist.  It's much easier to find something we're looking for, then to accidentally stumble upon it. You can't avoid getting hit and bruised. And wearing a bullet proof armor ideally means ‘self change’. The kind of change which comes from within. Voluntarily. Armor or Self Change changes 3 things: Our Attitude, Our Behavior and Our Way of Thinking.

Building self esteem will eventually lead to self improvement if we start to become responsible for who we are, what we have and what we do. Its like a flame that should gradually spread like a brush fire from inside and out.

When we develop self esteem, we take control of our mission, values and discipline.  Self esteem brings about self improvement, true assessment, and determination. So how do you start putting up the building blocks of self esteem? Be positive. Be contented and happy. Be appreciative. Never miss an opportunity to compliment. A positive way of living will help you build self esteem.

Tell Your Mirror The Truth

by Anne Bellamy, Author of Using The Law of Attraction to Help The Universe Help You

The worst thing you can do to yourself is to look in the mirror and lie to it.  What do I mean by lying to the mirror?  I mean telling it a story about the person in front of it, that just isn't true.  The stories I'm talking about are ones like:

"You are not smart enough"
"You are not motivated enough"
"You are too lazy"
"Someone else will take care of you"
"You are too ugly/fat/pimply/old/young/stupid/silly/wimpy/tired"

The reason this is the worst thing you can do to yourself, is that the mirror believes everything you tell it.  Then it does what mirrors do, and reflects.  You will see the very picture of the lie you have just told the mirror.  Right in front of you.  And when you see evidence of that lie, it becomes truth.  You suddenly become all of the lies you have told the mirror.

If you would just look into that mirror and start telling it some beautiful truths, your whole world will change.  That mirror will believe every word you tell it, and reflect it back to you.  Your confidence will soar.  You will feel like you can achieve anything.

Some people don't believe in positive affirmations.  They think they are just a bit of hoo-haw.  That if you say something positive to yourself like "I am good enough" that there will be a tiny voice inside your head that says "No you're not".  Okay, okay, we all have that tiny voice. But remember, it's tiny for a reason.  It's tiny because it has no real power, only the power you give it.  So, really, you are the one with all the power. After all, you must have possession of it in the first place if you're going to give it away. What are you going to do with that power?  Will you give that power to the tiny voice?  Or will you gift it to yourself?

Telling the mirror some beautiful truths is gifting yourself with power.  So stand in front of that mirror, and tell it:
"I am worthy"
"I am capable"
"I am motivated"
"I am powerful"
"I am smart"
"I am funny"
"I am pretty"

Ahhhh!  Doesn't that feel better now?

2 Tips That Will Change Your Life (Seriously)

by Mike Geary, Certified Nutrition Specialist, Certified Personal Trainer
Author:  The Truth about Six-Pack Abs

I was just recently reminded of these 2 tips while reading a great book... Bill Phillips newest best-seller:  Transformation... which by the way, I just had the pleasure of meeting Bill in person a few weeks ago, and this book is actually about WAY more than just fitness or nutrition...actually 99% of the book is about transforming your entire being, your mind... your entire life.  It's powerful stuff, and a great read.

Now I will say that I think most of us, already know these 2 tips below, but may not practice them as often as we should... and I know personally, I found this to be a great reminder of how powerful these are and how they can change your life.

1.  In Chapter 8 in Bill's book, Transformation, he starts off this chapter with a shocking story about a man named Azim who tragically had his 20-year old son murdered by a teenage gang member 5 years prior.  The story ends up a bit unfathomable to most of us, as it turns out that Azim actually forgave his sons killer, in what can only be considered one of the most courageous acts of compassion and forgiveness than most of us could ever even contemplate.

After all, how many of us walk around for years holding grudges with a friend or family member over something silly and stupid that means nothing in the big picture of our lives?  However, this courageous father found it in his heart to forgive his sons murderer, the ultimate act of forgiveness. 

For most of us, forgiveness will not be for such extreme events...instead, it will be for smaller things that we've been holding deep inside (bottled up inside, causing us hidden stress) against a particular person, maybe a sibling, a parent, a friend, or a spouse.  But what we don't realize is that these bottled up grudges harm OUR health, and do very little to "punish" the other person.

Bill points out a great saying "Resentment is like drinking poison and waiting for your enemy to die".  Yes, you're harming yourself more than than the other person by holding onto resentment.

Another great saying to always keep in mind that will change the way you treat other people who may have hurt you:  "To err is human; to forgive is divine". 

Yes, we all make mistakes... and if you think back to the story about the father that forgave his sons killer... Was that teenage gang member really an evil person deep down to his soul?  Or was he a victim of society, which led him into the gang lifestyle?  There's always more to the story than what's on the surface.

The most important thing we need to realize is that holding onto anger, resentment, or grudges is scientifically proven to harm our health and make us die earlier.  

Bill points out a study in the Journal of Epidemiology & Community Health involving 2,755 people over 10 years.  According to the study that Bill summarizes, "Those who repressed anger and held resentments were found to be twice as likely to die of a heart attack compared to people in the study who were able to process and let go of negative feelings."

Puts you in the spirit to forgive someone, doesn't it.

Another VERY important thing that Bill points out... Holding onto a grievance doesn't give you control over the offender, and it doesn't "punish" them; it gives THEM control over you, and punishes YOU, because you're the one holding onto the health-harming stress and lack of peace of mind.

A few more great lines I loved from this chapter in Bill's book:

"Forgiveness is not done out of weakness; it is an act of strength and courage."

"Forgiveness is something that happens inside of you. It doesn't mean you're saying what happened to cause a resentment wasn't wrong or that it didn't matter.  It means... I choose to let go of this negative feeling towards the person whom I perceive has hurt me."

"...as long as any part of our mind or consciousness is engaged with unresolved feelings from the past it will require us to expend valuable energy on it."

"...as long as we hold onto a grievance, we are chained to the past situation and the offender."

"...granting someone true forgiveness is not based on any conditions. The forgiven don't have to deserve it or earn it. It's an act of grace and mercy on your part."

Just think... if we all kept these guidelines in the front of our minds daily, wouldn't the world be a MUCH better place, with less stress, fighting, hatred, resentment, and pent up anger?  I sure think so.

2.  This second tip is no less important than the first... and it is VERY powerful in helping you to live healthier and happier.

This is another important tip to living life to the fullest that I was reminded of when recently reading Bill's book, Transformation... The story starts off with a day that Bill had the pleasure of meeting fitness icon Jack Lalanne and a reporter from USA Today interviewed them both.

One of the most important questions that the news reporter asked Jack in the interview was "What should people who want to live a healthy life do first thing in the morning?"

The reporter had been expecting a specific tip about exercise or nutrition first thing in the morning... but instead, Jack replied with an answer that carried some very powerful wisdom... he replied "A healthy person always starts by counting their blessings."

What Jack Lalanne understands, that so many people don't, is that gratitude affects not only the health of your mind, but that of your body and your entire well-being too.

I think one of the most important daily rituals that anybody can take up is to lie in bed for 1-2 more minutes after waking up in the morning... and consciously bring to mind all of the things in his/her life that they are thankful for.  It's also important to write down what you are grateful for in your life.

I know that everybody has struggles, but everybody also has things that they should be grateful for.  This one daily ritual can literally change the biochemistry of your body and mind to put you into a more energetic and "feel good" state about your life, and achieve more of your goals...

Don't believe me?

Well, according to Bill in Chapter 16 of Transformation, Dr. Robert Emmons, PhD, from the University of California Davis was involved in a large research project on gratitude, and here were some of his discoveries:

"Those who kept gratitude journals on a weekly basis exercised more often, felt better physically, and had a more positive mindset."

"Study participants who kept gratitude lists were found to be more likely to have made progress towards important personal goals (academic, interpersonal, and health-based) over a 2-month period."

"A daily gratitude intervention (taking time to focus on and write down things to be thankful for) produced higher levels of alertness, enthusiasm, determination, attentiveness, and energy."

"Those who participate in a daily gratitude exercise have lower levels of depression and stress and are more likely to offer emotional support to others and help them make it through their difficulties."

The bottom line... although you may have heard about practicing daily gratitude in the past, are you really doing it daily?  If not, you're missing out on the health benefits, increased energy, better sleep and mood, goal achievements, and just living healthier and happier!

So there you go... I told you that these 2 tips today would be powerful in helping to improve your life!

If you haven't yet read Bill's book, Transformation, I'd highly recommend grabbing a few copies for yourself and for gifts for friends and family.  The book started off a little slow, and I kept thinking to myself, "I know all of this already"... but then about halfway through, the chapters just kept getting more powerful, and I realized there were a lot of things I needed to be reminded about and start practicing more often.

Please share the gift of forgiveness and gratitude with your friends and family by clicking "Share" for Facebook and or Twitter.  It's such an important message to share with others, and benefits everyone.  I think they will appreciate you sharing this article with them!

10 Tips to Succeed at Public Speaking

by Anne Bellamy, Author of Using The Law of Attraction to Help The Universe Help You
Public speaking is said to be the number one fear most people have, even ahead of death.  And if you're a Seinfeld fan, you know his joke that most people at a funeral would rather be in the coffin, then giving the eulogy.  If you have to give a speech and you're losing sleep over it, I've compiled a list of what are my top ten tips to succeed at public speaking.  They've helped me a lot and maybe they can do you some good too. 10. Claim Your Territory.  No I don't mean tinkle all over the room. What I do mean is, try to be the first person in the room where you'll be giving your speech.  Get the feel of the room.  Stand at the front and get used to the view.  This way, when your audience starts to enter, if you're already there, then it's your room.  You are there to greet them.  They are entering your territory, not vice versa.  This puts you in a position of power and will boost your confidence. 9. Use Your Imagination.  Personally, there are some people I just don't want to imagine in their underwear, and more than likely, there will be people like that in your audience.  Like Dale Carnegie, author of How To Win Friends and Influence People said, imagine that everyone in the room owes you money.  Again, it puts you in the power position.  8. Talk About What You Know.  What's the easiest thing for people to talk about?  Themselves!  Why? Because it's a subject everyone is an expert on. I'm not saying that every speech you give will be about yourself, but it does help to add personal anecdotes and examples into your speeches.  Try talking about yourself....it's easy! 7. It's Cliche, But It Makes Perfect.  Practice, practice, practice.  I like to practice in front of a mirror.  This way you know what the audience will be seeing.  Notice you don't smile much?  Then smile!  Tend to play with your hair? Hands off!  You'll also be forced to look at yourself, and will memorize your speech better, so that you're not staring into cue cards the whole time. 6. Avoid the Pasties.  Always keep a glass or bottle of water nearby.  Speaking nervousness=dry mouth.  It's perfectly okay to take a moment to have a sip of water. 5. Embrace the Jitters.  Nervousness when public speaking is almost unavoidable.  Even those of us who do it regularly, and actually enjoy it, get a bit nervous beforehand.  It means you care, that it matters to you.  Remember, it's usually the first few moments that are the worst.  Get over that hurdle, and you'll feel better. 4. Do It In Your Head First.  Visualize yourself giving a speech.  See yourself looking and acting confident.  Expect the best, not the worst.  It really does help. 3. Don't Be a Stranger.  Stop looking down at your cards, and make eye contact with the audience.  This gives the impression of confidence and your audience will be much more interested and engaged in what you are saying.  You may also find a friendly face out there.  Someone who's smiling or just looks kind.  Keep going back to that person from time to time. 2. Keep on Rolling.  If you make a mistake, that's okay.  In fact, chances are, your audience won't even know that you've made a mistake.  They don't know what you're going to say, so if you forget part of your speech, they're probably none the wiser. 1. There are No Hitmen.  Have you ever listened to someone giving a speech and thought to yourself  "I'd really love it if they messed up.  I'm gonna laugh at them if they do!"  Of course not.  Nobody wants you to fail.  Nobody is waiting for you to mess up.  They want you to do well!  It's uncomfortable for them if you don't.  Nobody is out to get you.

If you're reading this, you are luckier than billions of people on this planet:

Globalvillage12_1

The Truth about Money and Wealth with Dr John Demartini

by Danielle Hutchinson


With the recent events on Wall St, the prospect of economic uncertainty is foremost in the minds of many. Dr John F. Demartini, human behavioural specialist, philosopher and best selling author of several best selling books, including  HOW TO MAKE ONE HELL OF A PROFIT AND STILL GET TO HEAVEN, spoke to American Women Online about what it takes to not only build wealth but to keep it.

The hierarchy of your values determines your destiny

The cornerstone of Dr. Demartini's thought-provoking wealth building strategy is an understanding that all of us have a set of values that dictate how we see and act upon the world. "Your life demonstrates your values," Dr Demartini said in a recent interview with Forbes Magazine.

Dr Demartini says when it comes to building monetary wealth the potential for this happening is dependent on not only where it sits in our hierarchy of values, but whether or not we value wealth and money as a means to an end or an end in itself.

What so many people who set goals around attaining wealth fail to realise is that what they are really valuing is what wealth can buy not wealth itself; they want the house, cars, clothes, travel, children's educations etc. This mindset values money only as a means to an end, so even though many may have managed to get themselves into a position where lots of money is coming in they will not become wealthy unless money is valued enough to have a strategy for keeping it.

This means that saving money would need to be one of the top values if wealth is to be built. Otherwise it will flow straight back out again to buy or pay for those things that are placed higher up in their hierarchy.

Dr. Demartini says that those with low values on saving money will more often than not, raise their standards when more money starts coming in; they get a bigger house, better car, clothes etc.

There is no right or wrong in what each person chooses to do with their money. Most people are not aware of their true values, so they unknowingly set goals that are incongruent with what their life is demonstrating as important to them. If they have wealth building and saving low on their values and yet still keep expecting to build wealth, they become frustrated and feel like a failure because they are unable to reach their financial goals.

Dr. Demartini explains, "If you aren't already wealthy or very much on your way to creating wealth, then the probability that you will become wealthy is not high. Often creating wealth is a whim and there is no commitment in the long-term, you might do it for a while, but will eventually move onto something that is actually a higher value."

Dr. Demartini has found that if people truly want to change their financial destiny the most effective strategy is restructuring their value system. He says it is the single most significant factor and will only work if saving and building wealth becomes part of the top 5 in the hierarchy.

RESTRUCTURING OUR HIERARCHY OF VALUES

The inner conflict between "heavenly good" and "hellish profit"

Dr. Demartini's motivation for writing his book, HOW TO MAKE ONE HELL OF A PROFIT AND STILL GET TO HEAVEN was based on his observation of the inner conflict so many people have around money and wealth. He found that even though some would outwardly acknowledge their desire for great wealth, they would inwardly feel guilty about acquiring it.

He says that people often believe that in acquiring wealth they'll somehow become evil, fear that it can only be done at the expense of others or by compromising their higher spiritual values and virtuous nature.

"It's better to give than to receive", "money is the root of all evil" and "filthy rich" are just a few of many time honoured favourites that pervade our culture. It's no wonder that the prospect of restructuring one's hierarchy of values in order to attain wealth strikes fear into the heart of many "good" folks.

"There are two driving forces in human beings, spiritualism and materialism," Dr Demartini said. And yet because most people have the two divided, they don't acknowledge or appreciate that all of the great human achievements have both.

In keeping with the ancient maxim, "Spirit without matter is expressionless and matter without spirit is motionless", Demartini likens intangible spirit and tangible matter to two sides of a golden coin, where the rejection of either side prevents you from ever holding its whole richness. He describes heaven as a state of gratitude for the magnificence and perfection of divine order, whereas hell is its opposite - it is ingratitude and the state of "dis-grace", often based on a lopsided view of reality and is a source of diminished self worth.

Confronting as this may be to some, if we are honest with ourselves we too can observe that the religions of the world have always understood the value of material wealth, and anyone that's ever worked for a not-for profit organisation or tried to start up a charity knows all too well that regardless of how altruistic the intention, one of the top priorities is always to raise funds or capital.

So when we truly look we can see that in reality there is always both giving and receiving. Dr. Demartini has found that until we have gratitude for both, until we embrace and appreciate both equally we will struggle to unleash the exceptional power of one of the greatest of all spiritual, material and financial laws - the principle of fair exchange. The sign that you value yourself is that you are willing to have fair exchange.

In his book Demartini says that "Human emotions interfere with wealth building more than anything else". Along with unresolved guilt and shame he identifies seven fears that commonly sabotage our willingness to receive. These are:

the fear of breaking some perceived authority's morals or ethics

the fear of not knowing enough, being smart enough or creative enough

the fear of failure

the fear of the loss of money

the fear of losing loved ones

the fear of rejection

the fear of not being vital, beautiful, handsome or energetic enough

Through his work, Dr. Demartini has found that these seven fears, along with our guilt and shame, stem from the past and create baggage that lowers self worth. When this happens people move into altruism as a way of compensating because they feel others are more worthy than they are. They want to give disproportionately to what they receive.

There are of course people on the other end of the extreme who overvalue themselves, they become narcissistic and feel they are more worthy than others; they want to receive disproportionately to what they give.

Dr. Demartini says this greed leads to the kind of situation now faced on Wall Street where investors got caught up in the emotional exuberance of overinflated prices and became blind to the fact that the market will always correct itself. However, he also points out that people who have lasting wealth are conservative with their money; they have a strategy and stick to it regardless of the emotional highs and lows of the money market.

Demartini has observed that any time the market goes up or down by more than 10% people without a strategy do foolish things. Warren Buffet, the world's richest man (2008) and noted philanthropist says, "Until you can mange your emotions, don't expect to be able to manage money."

"The people I know who have money and wealth have a balance, they are grounded and inspired, they have a vision of service to people, they are willing to go out and do the service, and at the same time they have a healthy deserve level and they work hard and they receive. There is a little bit of truth in the metaphysics but I don't want to teach an incomplete thing."

IN THE END IT'S SIMPLE

"Don't try to get something for nothing or give something for nothing. Give and receive, it's the wisest thing," Dr Demartini said.

Why Do You Fear Success: Get Over It

by Anne Bellamy, Author of Using The Law of Attraction to Help The Universe Help You

It sounds crazy, doesn't it?  To actually be afraid of success. After all, here's what success looks like:



How is it that so many of us are afraid of that which can bring us so much joy?  That's a trick question.  The answer is, that many people do not believe success will bring us joy.  The vast majority of people actually believe that success will bring misery.  That success can never last.  Do these sayings sound familiar?

Money is the root of all evil.
Money can't buy you love
Be careful what you wish for, you just might get it

No wonder we fear success.  Surely nothing good can come of it.   With that way of thinking, you are right.  Success will bring you misery.  How destructive is that way of thinking, though?  Do you really think you'll be happier if you're unsuccessful?  How does that look?




Hmmm.....Maybe it's time you got over your mentality of "lack" and "I don't deserve it".  Start cultivating a mentality of "abundance" and "I'm worth it!"

Compare the pictures above and you will naturally know which state you want.